What is Masking?

Masking—also known as camouflaging—is the mental and emotional equivalent of putting on a costume. It means pushing aside your true thoughts and feelings, then actively changing how you act to “fit in.” 

People who mask might smile when they’re sad, pretend not to be overwhelmed, or act like they’re more confident than they feel. And while masking can help someone blend in short-term, it often comes at a serious cost.

In this article, we’ll break down everything to know about masking, including:

• What it is
• What it looks like
• Why do people do it
• How it harms
• Treatment options available

What Does Masking Look Like?

Masking isn’t just about “acting normal.” It’s a complex, exhausting process where someone might suppress, fake, or reshape their natural behaviors to match social expectations. Common masking behaviors include:

• Exaggerating or denying emotions
• Lying about your thoughts or memories to avoid conflict or seem agreeable
• Acting differently in public vs. private
• Practicing scripts for small talk or studying how others behave to copy them

People with specific mental health conditions may mask in specific ways, including:

• Forcing eye contact when it feels unnatural
• Smiling and laughing even when depressed
• Trying not to interrupt or hyper-talk
• Holding back anger or people-pleasing
  

The result? You look like you’re doing “fine,” even when you’re not.

Why People Mask

People mask for all kinds of reasons, but at the core is usually a desire to avoid being treated differently. They may have been bullied as a kid, or maybe they watched a sibling be punished for acting “weird.” They learned, consciously or not, that showing their true self had consequences.

Other motivations for masking include:

• Avoiding stigma or discrimination
• Trying to get or keep a job
• Wanting to maintain relationships
• Past trauma from being wrongly diagnosed or labeled

The unifying factor is often fear. Fear of being judged, excluded, shamed, or misunderstood.

Masking and Mental Health

Masking is especially common in people with autism and ADHD, particularly in women and young girls. They’re often socialized to be more agreeable, polite, and emotionally aware, so they might learn to mimic behaviors that help them blend in, even when it doesn’t feel natural or sustainable.

But masking isn’t just an autism or ADHD symptom. It can happen with nearly any mental health, behavioral, or personality disorder. Some examples:

• Someone with anxiety might pretend to be confident or carefree to avoid standing out.
• Someone with depression may laugh, joke, and smile to cover up inner hopelessness.
• People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) might mask their emotional instability by suppressing their reactions, or flip behaviors quickly to adapt to whoever they’re around.

Some research suggests that women with autism may mask more—and more effectively—than men with autism. This can lead to a delayed diagnosis, sometimes not happening until adulthood, which means many people go through decades of life without the support they need.

Masking and Personality Disorders

Masking is very common in personality disorders, especially borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with BPD often hide intense emotions to avoid conflict or rejection. This might look like:

• Suppressing anger or distress
• Changing opinions or behavior to match others
• Acting “fine” when they’re not
• People-pleasing or over-apologizing
  

This constant shape-shifting can make it harder to recognize their struggles. On the outside, they may seem calm or agreeable. Inside, they’re overwhelmed, anxious, or unsure who they really are.

Emotional masking in BPD can worsen emotional swings and make it harder to get an accurate diagnosis or the right support.

How Masking is Harmful

Masking isn’t just about “faking it.” It’s mentally and physically draining. You’re constantly scanning social situations, running internal scripts, managing your tone and posture, and monitoring your reactions.

Over time, this can lead to:

• Burnout: Complete mental and emotional exhaustion
• Anxiety and depression: Especially when masking becomes a full-time effort‍
• Loss of identity: You forget what your true self feels like‍
• Delayed treatment: You may not even realize something’s wrong, or that help is possible

A major issue is that people who mask well often don’t “look” like they’re struggling, so their challenges are minimized or ignored by others, including doctors, therapists, teachers, and even close friends.

Masking vs. Coping: What’s the Difference?

It’s very important to know the difference between masking and coping.

• Masking means hiding or suppressing your real thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to seem more socially acceptable. It’s a performance.
• Coping mechanisms are strategies to mitigate feelings of discomfort or distress. Some are positive (meditation, mindfulness breathing), others are negative (substance use, binge eating).

For example, masking would be going along with your friends to attend a loud, chaotic party and pretending to enjoy it. Coping would be recognizing that it’s too much stimulation and either leaving early or taking breaks in a quiet space.

Masking is about survival. Coping is about sustainability.

Treatment for Masking

Masking is not a disorder, it’s a response to fear, discomfort, or pressure. However, it can still be addressed during mental health treatment.

The goal of treating masking is not to “fix” the issue of masking. It’s to help someone feel safe enough to stop masking altogether.

Therapy Options for Unmasking

The therapy options available will be dependent on any surrounding mental health conditions. The therapy options include:

• Neurodivergent-affirming therapy: This focuses on accepting and understanding your natural behaviors. It’s not about forcing any kind of behavior, but accepting your natural behaviors and learning new skills.
• Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT): This was developed specifically for people with BPD, but can be helpful for anyone experiencing emotional dysregulation.
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT examines the automatic thoughts that control feelings and behaviors. This can help identify when masking occurs and how to replace it with positive coping skills.

The therapy option that’s best for you will be dependent on your situation and who you’re being treated by.

Support Systems and Lifestyle Changes

A support system can work as a judgment-free space to process and be your true self. This could be a therapist, friends, family members, and peers who have similar experiences.

While trying to unmask, it’s important to make certain lifestyle changes. Those changes include:

• Learning to set boundaries
• Taking it easy by taking breaks when necessary
• Working toward self-compassion

Masking might be an automatic reaction for you, but with the proper treatment, support, and lifestyle changes, you can learn who your authentic self is and live a healthier life.

Treatment at Sequoia Behavioral Health

Treatment options at Sequoia Behavioral Health are holistic and customized for individual needs. Our treatment programs include:

• Residential treatment
• Partial hospitalization
• Intensive outpatient program

While we don’t offer treatment for masking alone, if you’re experiencing masking as a symptom of…

• Addiction
• Personality disorder
• Dual diagnoses

… we may be a good option for you.

‍Schedule or make a call to get the help you need.