How to Heal From Parentification

As a kid, it may have felt good to take on important responsibilities around the house. Making your siblings' dinner, waking a parent up so they don’t miss work, and getting a job so you can help pay for food. Doing these things as a kid probably felt like being a grown-up. The only problem is, you weren’t ready to be a grown-up.

Parentification trauma is what happens when a kid is asked to take on important, often stressful tasks instead of their parent dealing with it. There are many reasons why this can happen—some intentional, some not.

Whatever the reason for the development of parentification, there are many long-term physical and mental health symptoms associated with this kind of trauma.

We’re going to answer many of the questions surrounding healing from parentification, including:

• Do you need therapy for parentification?
• What kinds of treatment are available for parentification?
• What therapy works best for parentification?
• How do you heal from parentification?

Do You Need Therapy For Parentification?

Parentification is a traumatic experience that deteriorates a stable environment necessary for healthy development. This affects every aspect of a developing child, including:

• Personality traits
• Attachment styles
• Coping skills
• Interests
• Relationships (present & future)

If you were taking on parental responsibilities at a young age, you likely struggle with:

• Relationships
• Creating healthy boundaries
• Feelings of being useless
• People pleasing
• Insecure attachment styles
• Anxiety and depression

These symptoms are disruptive enough to cause problems in how you relate to others and how you function internally. Without proper treatment, parentification trauma can lead to worsening symptoms.

Treatment Options for Parentification

Parentification can affect everything about you. Therefore, it’s important to take a holistic approach to dealing with it. That means considering every aspect of who you are.

There are several options for people looking to move past the effects of parentification.

Somatic-Based Therapy

No matter what kind of trauma you’ve experienced, somatic-based therapy can help you heal.

Trauma manifests as physical symptoms, such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, and fatigue. People who experienced parentification often experience high levels of stress due to feeling they need to act as a parent to everyone. 

The physical symptoms of trauma are what somatic-based therapies aim to address.

During somatic interventions, you’ll use an awareness of your body to feel for the effects of trauma throughout your body. You’ll do a scan throughout your body and look for positive emotions. You’ll use these sensations to develop skills to cope with and appropriately respond to stress and trauma responses.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a go-to therapy option for good reason. It helps people identify and change negative thought patterns that lead to negative and unwanted behaviors.

People who grew up parentified often struggle with setting healthy boundaries. They’re willing to pour themselves out to care for those around them. This usually stems from negative thoughts about themselves.

• Believing their feelings are secondary
• Thinking their worth is in what they do for others
• Feeling you are responsible for the well-being of those you’re in a relationship with

These kinds of thoughts are difficult to notice, but with the help of CBT, they can be identified and replaced if helpful and true thoughts.

Family Therapy

Some people who were parentified still have a working relationship with their parents. If it’s safe to do so, family therapy can help mend past hurts and work through trauma together.

People who don’t have a safe relationship with their parents shouldn’t engage in family therapy with their parents, but they can still benefit from family therapy. Attending therapy with your found family can help you work through the dynamics you grew up with. You’ll learn how to create healthy and strong bonds with those around you.

Lifestyle Practices

Adding holistic practices to your daily life can promote mindfulness and help you identify ways parentification has affected you.

While these lifestyle practices will not heal you from your trauma, you will benefit from them in a broader treatment plan.

Self-Care

This will be difficult for people who were parentified. Due to the seemingly natural urge to sacrifice for everyone else. However, it’s a great tool for increasing mindfulness, healing, and general well-being.

Everyone will have their own way of practicing self-care, and there really isn’t a limit to what it is. Examples of self-care include:

• Meditation
• Coffee with friends
• Getting enough sleep
• Reading
• Going for a walk

The most important thing about self-care is that you’re doing it for yourself. 

Mindfulness Practices

These exercises are specifically designed to guide people toward mindfulness. They are an important addition to a parentification healing plan, but you don’t need to engage with all of them. Work with your therapist or choose which options sound like the right fit for you.

• Breathing Exercises
• Movement Exercises
• Journaling

The most important part of these practices is to focus your attention on any feelings or thoughts you may be experiencing.

Healing From Parentification as a Part of Treatment

At Sequoia Behavioral Health, we treat numerous mental health issues. Addiction is a big one, but many of the people who come to us experience a dual diagnosis.

When left untreated, trauma can develop into bigger issues. Sequoia Behavioral Health treats the larger, more apparent issues, while also treating the root cause.

The holistic approach to mental health treatment provides a whole body healing. Treating the symptoms while finding and treating the root cause.

If you have any questions like; do i need therapy for parentification?, or is Sequoia Behavioral Health for me? Contact us to learn more. All personal information will be kept confidential.